It's so wierd being "home". I mean this is the place that i grew up and stuff but I feel like a stranger here. I don't know where I fit in. I mean am I a student just visiting or am I an adult in my family or just another kid. What are my resposnibilities around the house. What can or can't I do. It's weird. I feel more comfortable at school than i do here. That isn't right. Home should be a safe haven for me not a hostile environment. I'll work through it though. Idk. I need to get out but my parents won't let me drive even though i have two cars to choose from.
The puppy is so big and obnoxious. He is cute though. wow I am rambling. I miss my college buddies.
I went to a party with all my high school buddies the other night. It was fun but awkward at the same time. I just didn't really fit anymore. I guess it is because I have matured more and am at a different level from them. Also maybe because I wasn't around at all this year so am not really connected with any of them. Idk...my life is so messed up.
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I felt exactly, and I mean exactly, the same when I came back for the first time in October, and a little bit over Thanksgiving break. Part of that is obviously the fact that my mom moved so now I'm staying with her in 'tosa and not even in the house I grew up in, but still.
It won't always feel odd and confusing, I promise, even though it won't probably feel like it did before, either. I feel like a visiting student, which is what I am, and I'm happy with that. I don't LIVE-live with my parents anymore, I am just staying here. I help around the apartment if my mom needs me to. I take a car when I get the chance. But I'm not the dependent daughter anymore - not just, anyway. I'm an adult too. It's so weird to balance but you'll get there. I felt mostly more comfortable at school but now I am used to it here. Plus I have Shao Lin here, and that is truly home no matter where I go or for how long. My parents' houses are places to stay, is all. And I'm finally alright with that. :)
Let's get together soon and catch up! How'd your mom like your dreads?
my word is 'zibionst' haha.
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